While we wait and wait and wait on paperwork to get done, my current task-at-hand is filling out the Medical Conditions Checklist (MCC), which we give to our agency so that they know what medical needs we are and aren’t open to as they go about matching files with families.
You guys. It is hard. I mean, on one level, it’s like 80 conditions, only some of which I’ve ever heard of before – honestly, I kind of dig that, because #nerd; research on a new topic = all the heart eye emojis. It’s fascinating digging out the nuance of what that condition means in America for a child born with great medical and PT/OT at hand immediately, vs kids who have grown up in an orphanage. Or even figuring out what that condition means developing in a kid age 0-3 rather than as a teenager. It’s a lot of information, it can be overwhelming (I’m on line 39/97 of my spreadsheet), but we have enough time that I’m not worried about that aspect.
But the emotions – that’s the killer. Reading families’ stories about what daily life is like with a certain condition, seeing pictures of kids living with the conditions I’m preparing to say yes or no to. Seeing the vast spread of mild to severe impact within each and every disease or condition, knowing that if I say yes, I don’t necessarily get to pick severity or even fully understand our future child’s severity until we get them home. Knowing that if my biological children had been born with any of these issues, of course we would figure it out, because that’s what you do as a parent. Knowing that a yes or a no is not just a line on a spreadsheet, but a kid’s life. And there are kids with these conditions who are going to be living, out there in the world, regardless of whether I say yes or no. Reading about conditions that require a lot of medical management here but would mean death there. How do I choose?